So last weekend was pretty damn random. Went to mooose's got fucked up n ended up sleeping over christian's crib. I still needa go back to mooses to get oliver's chessboard i d-boed from him when he was sleeping HA. anyway, i got this presentation 2moro, kinda sucks cuz i hate presenting shit, and i hate takin drugs. Klonnipin is the only thing that loosens me up and makes me not have panic attacks when i am in front of a big group. N i really hate to have to take it, but it does help. its better than stuttering and turning red and forgetting what im presenting. ya know? But, yeah i only use it when i feel that it is really necessary. I try to stay away from it as much as I can because I like being clean and I also would not want to build a tolerance to benzos. Anyway..I had similar thoughts today. Same old garbage thoughts. I'm getting older, everyone else is getting damn old, and what the fuck am i going to do with my life after school? seriously? what am i going to be doing? As each day passes, by the days go by faster, and i get older. The more I lose hope in something unfolding for me positively. Its a pretty negative way to look at things, but thats just how i feel in this moment. Feelings always change all the damn time any way.. it becomes not annoying, but i sure as hell do not like the instability. Despite all my feelings and what is going on in my mind, Monica found some good tunes. She really has a good ear for music.
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