good times bad times maybe for the good

A lot of stuff has been on my mind, but this blog aint really too much about my problems except about what i been doing and stuff. I decided i wanna take a break from Monica for a week. Things have gotten routine-like and i feel shes dependent on me for many things. Anyways, I think this is healthy for me, and could be healthy for her as well. Clear the air a bit. Anyway.. it was a perfect day for my tattoo appointment, since ifelt like shit. The chest piece took an hour for the outline. Talk about George papas and his fast skills man. Anyway.. I am definitely looking forward to next tuesday for the fill-in.

This tattoo symbolizes a lot about mexico. Here i go to explain it..

A dove represents innocence. The Mexican sugar skull represents the day of the dead. When i first came to mexico, i was an innocent 16 yearold boy, not knowing who the fuck I was, I had been through shit in life, but my experience in mexico grew me so fast, and my innocence was shattered from that day forward. There are 16 doves flying out of the skull's eyes representing my 16 yearold youth gone, and the doves flying out from the eyes represents my innocent perception on life being gone leaving me to be desensitized. A sugar skull is to remember the day of the dead, I represent it as the day i really felt I died and the fact that its a Mexican skull will remind me of Mexico. The pocket watch points at 2:27 represent February 27th, 2002 when I was taken by the two men who forcefully escorted me to Ensenada that morning. The broken watch represents the watching pausing at the day I was taken when i felt my life was frozen and on pause while the whole world outside of facility went on without me. Each chain of loop of the watch counts to 20 loops. 20 loops represents 20 months taken away from my life. Broken Hopes & Memories is pretty self explanatory. Broken hopes represents every month i waited hoping i would get pulled out, but after I saw that I had been there for a year, I lost hope that I'd ever be home. Broken memories would represent the repetitive routine structured environment that gave me pressure, stress, anxiety, and totally disensitized me from reality leaving me to be in my head to seek security. The constant deja vu, and the post traumatic stress that i developed that makes the memories clouded of the place made it seem as some kind of dreamy hell of a world.


I love this tattoo because I always wanted to have something to remind me of the horrible hardships I lived through during those 20 months of my life. The struggle and the tattoo will always remind me how strong I really have become to get through that place.