I'm a piece of shit

Heavy, Negative, and Rushes in my Chest
Impulsive Anger controlling thoughts conquer
Ignore more time, the feelings get stronger
Why do I care?  When I'm not being fair?
Will I recover from past pleasure turned into unwashable pain?
When are you going to call?
I want you to call, I need you to text.
I feel stupid, because as soon as you hit me up, I'll feel at my best.
Now is this how feelings really work? Bi polar, unstable, and extreme?
Writing is a way to blow off some steam or focus on my business and making more cream
I miss her.
But yet when she's here I tend to get bored and want extra.
Greed, selfishness, Evil, Posessive.
Why am I this way?
Now that she's gone I want her to stay?
But when she's near I care less if she's there?
I shouldn't say this but. Damn. I'm a piece of shit.
If I knew someone like myself, I would think I was a jerk.
How can I appreciate more?
Instead of being this pleasure grubbing whore.?
You want everything, but you can't have it all.
Maybe I gotta do some real internalization
But Honestly, I really just need a vacation.