Complicated

Oceans of Emotions
A sunny memmory overdoses the soul breaking strong built visions
Back to the ghost town I smile with a frown
Bitter sweetness from memories I will miss
California I miss you.
My intuitions see it and forcefully I want to stop it
My AC blows and my ceiling fan spins
The only two sounds I hear
Alone Alone.  Its so quiet, I wish I was home.
Homesickness eats at my soul, but I continue to climb
Climb with hopes there is treasure on the other side.
If I showed signs would you be able to hear?
Would  you be able to see how I feel even when I mask it
Would it still appear to you as clear?
You do matter and I wish I didn't care but it matters.
The more I spend time with that feeling, my heart shatters.
Unwanted feelings so I build these walls taller to darken my secrets
The things we feel may never be right, yet I'm unsure my soul can recognize it
I rather not feel you at all.
You contribute to my happiness at times but I already see its leeching down fall.
Don't do this to yourself.
I want to see you come up good, but I don't trust the path you choose.
I wish I didn't care at all.
I really wish I didn't.
Feelings are never mutual.
So I tend to settle for less, unfair for the other this is the usual.
I give and I give.  How come no one sees that I Give?
I work hard and I spend and I spend.
How come gratitude and appreciation is usually never mutually and naturally returned?
Everyone wants a free ride
In this world they rather take all and freely glide
In my heart, I'm empty inside.
I want and I want
I say I don't expect, but I do at times and that's a fact.
Because nothing is there.
I'm fun to others, but are they even aware?
I've never been really happy, I swear.
External temporary pleasures I continue to chase
Its always a chase, a fucking continuous chase.
Truth is I want Love.
People say Love yourself.
I thought I did.
But I'm putting all these impurities in my body bringing nothing but bad hobbies.
I use to say I want to be single until I'm undesirable
The superficial world eats at these goals and values til it sucks out our souls
We mold to these outside external pleasure hunting unholy decisions and commitments
We die slowly shedding invisible blood
Our bones crack and break weakening the foundation of our spirit
Painful onset heartaches and continuing growing numbness
Fuck the world is my mentor
Myself seems to be the only answer I should care for.