confused.

We all want something.  Everyone needs something.  Now if you don't got nothing.  You won't get nothing.  People are only there for you, if you have something.  Whether it be materialistic and non-materialistic benefits.  If they can benefit you in some way. They want you in their life.  I've begun to learn some things about myself and the world around me.  The longer I'm gone, in time and eventually.  People will forget about me because I'm no longer around.  When its not convenient for them, they tend to lean towards whatever their needs are.  A person who is constantly focused on what they want and what they need lives a life only for themselves.  I'll use myself for an example.  The more I focus too much on what I want.  The less I care about someone unless its convenient.  This is the sad truth about myself.  I hate on others who only benefit from others when its convenient, but deep down I am the same way.  I find myself only wanting the things I can not have because I don't have them yet.  The things that I already have and know I have.  I am not content with.  I then allow boredom to take over my soul and I want more and more what I do not have.  This is a real shitty soul to have.  These are the things I do not like.  Which means deep down, I do not like myself.  But I think the first thing to do to heal yourself is to stop focusing so much on my own wants.  Instead practicing what others want.  But I don't give much of a shit for what others want unless its a person that has something I can benefit from.  To me this is twisted and selfish.  How can I change?  I don't like this type of person.  I don't like these things about myself.  I appreciate the people who are there the most less than my focus on the people that I won't offer me something I can benefit from them.  I am a cold person with a selfish heart.  I think I care, but do I really give a shit?  I tend to care only about what I want.  I don't seem to care about what they want.  How can I change?  How can I be a better person.  In the end I'm trying to change this about me because what?  I don't know.  All I know is that I can be selfish.  And I tend to focus too much on having the most for myself.  When i was a kid.  We live in such a fake world.  And in this world, we're all fake. We don't seem to spend enough time with the people who care the most.  We spend more time on stimulating ourselves rather than the people who fall to appreciate us.  What is wrong with people like me.  In a constant chase to feel good.  Now that i think about it.. Deep down.  I am truly unhappy and not content.  Now how can i reach a feeling of contentment without having to hunt?  And why do I constantly crave these wants that I have.  Its such greed. Greed has been known for centuries to be bad.  And it is because you aren't really helping anyone else.  I find myself only helping others who can benefit my own.  I find myself doing this.  Do i really want to be a better person?  Do I really want that?  Or do I want to stay comfortable with the way I am?  I don't think its right though.  Feeling this way may mean that I want to be someone that I can admire, someone that I can love.  But lately I've been this person I don't like.  Which could probably be the answer to why I'm so unhappy. Because I don't like how  I am.  But if i practice becoming this person I would admire, does that mean I'm trying to be someone that I am not.  Life is all so confusing.  What is the best way to live.  How should I live it? Really. I don't know what the fuck I'm suppose to do here. I constantly finding ways to make myself happy.  Naturally, I'm not so happy.  So what do i do now?  I have no clue and no idea.  I wish I did right now.  Venting and ranting..ranting so much.  for whatt?  I just want to stop thinking.  Stop taking things so personal.  I want the negativity to stop. I want the excess wanting to stop.  I want to enjoy my life as much as I do whenever im in extreme bliss all the time.  Its all so confusing.  Tomorrow, I need to begin working on some thing.  Becsause right now I don't know how I'm suppose to approach it.  Where do  I start.? Im so confused.